A Little Bitter Breakfast

My husband & I have long had a, breakfast out on Wednesdays, tradition.  Last week was no different.  The only real difference is our location.  We are renovating our Kelowna home, at present, so we are nestled into a lovely little basement suite in Calgary.  Our mainstay breakfast spot, here, is the Galaxie Diner.  Quaint & small, to say the least, with an open cooking grill, counter & small booth seating only.  It is the other half of my party that really loves this little joint, but I happily partake in the morning out that ensues.

However, our latest Galaxie experience was somewhat tainted by the lovely ladies seated directly across from, & in very close proximity to, us.  Af first, I was ogling over the cadence & lovely Latin accents they shared back & forth.  I was, therefore, prepared to endure the unintended volume with which they spoke.  My lovely Kalamata Scramble soon lost lustre, though, when the animated conversation turned unsavory.  It was not that the language became offensive, at least not to me.  They quickly changed to speaking in Spanish when the tone darkened.  It was, however, the damp bitterness of their topic that unintentionally drew me in.  And topically, I was uninterested as well.  It was the bitterness that affected me...I was not offended by it...it saddened me...

As is always the structure of bitterness, in conversation, it darkens the mood of even the most positive soul in its midst.  Of these two gals, one was by far the leader in the area of bitterness.  The other, with even a smattering of hope & encouragement would have risen up out of her funk, I am certain!  I guess I know all of this, for sure because I have worn the cloak of bitterness & was so very close to buttoning up right to the collar, in its seeming warmth & reassurance.

Bitterness develops out of many circumstances, relationships &/or hardships.  Mine came out of a crisis of faith.  After believing that I had been a Christian all of my life, I was told, with certainty,  that I was not one by none other than the husband of a very dear friend of mine.  This, shortly after a 'head-on conversion,' in their case.  By no standard did I want to believe him & furthermore I wanted him proved wrong in the face of any or everyone that I encountered.  I know God works in mysterious ways, but this was a very soul-crushing & lost time of life for me.  Bitterness didn't move herself in overnight, she came in slowly unpacking her baggage & leaving it laying around all over my heart & even dishevelling my countenance.  She is greedy & is never happy messing with one soul, at a time.  She always takes at least two with her.  I was definitely taking my husband down this slippery, & narrow slope with me.

Just when, to every status-quo Christian in my path, I would have seemed a complete write-off, my 'smattering of hope & encouragement' came.  I was invited to a Women's Retreat at Manitou Resort, through a friend.  (I honestly didn't know what I was getting into.  I thought maybe scantily clad firefighters were going to be auctioned off at the dinner)  But, I went.  No firefighters in sight, just the humble & simple truth of the old story that I knew so well.  The redemptive love of a Saviour that came & died on a cross for my sins.  He had been there walking alongside me & bitterness all the while.  I just needed time for the heartache & the pain to become real enough that the fragile shell of my humanity cracked.  Christ only needs a crack to break through & He can soften the hardest of hearts & heal a lifetime of pain - or 2 years worth, in my case... This whole retreat experience is a blog unto itself that I will most whole-heartedly share another day.

I don't know if I was a Christian, at the time of my unfortunate encounter or not.  The truth is that it no longer matters.  I do know that I now shape my world around my faith in Christ and that has made all the difference.  And "Bitter" is no longer welcome here.  She has long since packed her things & moved completely out.  I know that she continues to set up shop in any corner where a fragment of hurt & doubt can be turned her way.

Tomorrow is Wednesday.  Breakfast day again... I pray it does not leave a 'bitter' taste in my mouth...