Hairdresser Wisdom

I was awaiting permission from Spring to post the blog below when at breakfast this morning, I received the following text:

I was going to include a photo of her but decided to use this text copy instead.  I shan't always seek permission, but in this case I chose to.  I was fearful that she would not want me to blog about such intrinsic parts of her life, but as it turns out, all is well.  So, read on...

This week was a wonderful week on the calendar because Wednesday was my hair appointment.  Of the many things I enjoy, getting my hair done is in the high faves.  I have often fantasized that if I was independently wealthy, I would have a dresser, & hair & make-up professionals as my daily assistants.   Oh well, enough said of my fantasy world for now.

Sometimes, you are going to sit down in, what you think is the hair chair, and find that it is actually the chair of life's little wisdoms.  However, I do suppose that any time we listen intently to another individual for a couple of hours, with little interjection on our own part, we will come away with a morsel or two of wisdom.  (It doesn't hurt either to have a head full of color foils to keep your undivided attention - you are definitely at the mercy of said hairdresser.)

Today was one of those days.  Spring, this is my hairdresser's name, (& a name that aptly suits her, I might add - she is a bright change in the daily seasons for me & I always await my appointments with eagerness) just started to do my hair per usual & we started to gab per usual.  It was the typical ebb & flow of conversation between two women - the cadence that men can rarely follow - but two females can banter easily through.  That is, until I asked one question without any insight into where it would lead.  The question was:  "Then, what is your daughter going to do?"

Spring had earlier shared that her son had just fractured his arm skateboarding and hoped it wouldn't affect him playing fall baseball.  So, I knew her son would be playing ball this fall & just wondered what interests her daughter might have.  Both of her children are pretty young, so they are at that beautiful age of investigation, before sports are all about scouts & tiers & over-zealous parents.

This is where the wisdom & the story all came out as one.  Spring's husband has been away working days in & days out-type work for a while now.  Recently, he injured himself on the job & now their life  is a little stirred up.  He can't go back to the part of the job he was doing, & whatever medical attention he may require seems to have to be taken care of in AB.  Even before this happened, they feared that this line of work was not going to work out for him, especially, considering, not one other man in the camp was a family man with a wife & kids at home.  So, when I asked about her daughter, out came the first morsel:

1.  Children are Resilient -
   
Spring felt she had to sit her kids down & tell them that Daddy's work is kinda unstable right now so they might not be able to be in lots of activities for a while.  Her daughter was enrolled in dance, gymnastics & Sparks.  She asked her if she had to pick just one, which would it be?  Her daughter quickly replied, "Sparks! And don't worry Mommy - this just means I will have more time to spend with you."  Her daughter is 6.  Oh, from the mouths of babes...

2.  We Have to Let Go of What we Can't Control

Spring admitted that she had hit a bit of a wall of worry the night before.  Her husband is injured in a strange environment with seemingly little support from co-workers & staff.  His job security seems unstable at best & when he took this position, away from his family, it had such high hopes.  He would do this line of work for a while & they would complete some tasks around their home that they had been waiting to do for some time.  Now, here in Kelowna, alone, she could do nothing - not a thing about it.  She cried, she got angry, and then - she realized that she had to let it go.  In her words, "I gave it out to the universe & released it!" She admitted control is a big thing for her & maybe there is a lesson to learn in this very difficult time in their lives.

3.  Be Good to Your Mom - She is a Rock in Times of Trouble

Spring told me how, during her mini-melt-down, she had called her Mom.  She tried to share her frustration & despair to her Mom.  And when her Mom did not give her the response she wanted, she hung up on her.  Then, in a couple minutes, she called her Mom back & told her she loved her & that she was right.  Her Mom had said that it was ok to rant & rave & be mad, but then Spring had to pick up the pieces & get on with the stuff of life.  Staying in a bad place does not do you or your children much good.  And by every observation of mine - that is exactly what Spring did. She listened to her Mom!

4.  Forgive Always

After telling me about the phone call to her Mom, Spring segwayed into the reasons why her Mom is such a strong person.  Her family has endured real hardship the likes of which most of us shall never encounter.  Spring's Dad died tragically when she was only 3.  She witnessed her Mom pick up the pieces from a very difficult situation & carry on & raise her & her brother the best she could with little to no support from her father's extended family.  Spring had to forgive those around her for their actions then & again as an adult for her own health as much as theirs.  So, with all of that behind her, there would be no point in holding grudges on these other men in her husband's camp regardless of their simple stupidity!

5.  All Families are Messy

Families carry with them the badges of blessing, the medals of hardship, the stripes of addiction...no one is immune.  Spring shared why it is so hard for her husband to be working in a camp that is not "dry."  He does not drink or use drugs - medicinal or recreational.  He saw the effects of it all in his own home growing up.  We chatted about how, regardless of how messy our families are, there are always some good memories, and those families are where we came from regardless of circumstances.  The conundrum is how some folks rise up out of it to a better day & some carry on in the same destructive path.

6.  You Will Never be Given More than You Can Handle

Spring talked about what her family is going through right now, what she went through as a child, her mother's hard life & her maternal grandparents.  She often speaks of her grandma & grandpa when I am there & what an influence they had on her growing up.  She knows from experience past & present that you will never be pushed further than what you can bear.  This hard time in her own little family's life shall pass.  I should have told her that she is obviously designed for greatness because she has been through an awful lot!

7.  Just Live Each Day as it Comes

Spring talked a bit about her worry & frustration, her mind racing ahead & having thoughts of , "what will we do about this...what are we gonna do about that...how will we pay for this...how will we get past this injury..." And she realized she had to just deal with what was right in front of her at the moment and not worry about each thing until it really happened.  Some things we fret unreasonably about never do come to pass! A very common trait amongst women, creating a pseudo reality out of something that hasn't even taken place yet.

8.  There are Always Worse Situations than Mine

Now, Spring got to the point in the conversation where she was saying how she shouldn't complain.  She knew of people who were so much worse off than her &, of course, her Mom is right.  You eventually have to pull up your socks & at least try to move on.  I agreed, but also noted my own small life philosophy.  That whatever you are going through is your own worst thing & you don't always have to minimize the current state of pain you are in.  I call it "your own broken leg."  If you have a broken leg, that is your own worst thing, at the moment.  Indeed, someone else may be dealing with two broken legs & you must sympathize, but it is not "your" worst thing! It is ok to admit your pain - you just can't linger & live in that pain.

9.  Life is Full of Good Examples

Even though Spring can admit she has been dealt quite a hand in life, she always talks about all the good role models she has had.  She talks about the orchard that her grandparents owned & all the good times shared there with them, of a favorite uncle, of the poor decisions others made & how easy it was to see they were wrong.  Even bad actors can leave you with a good example (of how not to act!)


10.  A Lesson Learned Comes out of all Hardship

Spring talked several times throughout the two hours of how there must be a lesson in this trying time for her - something she has yet to learn.  And of how, many times, we can't see a life's lesson till long  after the fact.  Oh ya, vision is crystal clear when you look back on something rather than while you are staring it in the face.  Maybe someday, I will be sitting in the chair again & we will be talking of this time & of all she learned through it...

Well, I think 10 tidbits of wisdom was enough for one day.  I know there is more that I have missed.  These were the main nuggets that I left there with that day.  Sometimes, it pays to be the listener.  I would be better served to do a lot more listening.  I only spoke up a couple of times that I remember.  Once, to tell her that I believe that when you let go of things & give them to the "universe" that there is really a God out there who hears your pain.  And that many of the morsels of wisdom that she was sharing with me were real truths from the Bible.  Really, no more needed to be said...

Hair...a chair...two hours of life to share...