I handed my keys over to the attendant at Kal Tire & was briskly on my way, walking back home. I had my ever present 4-legged walking companion, very unattentively, in tow. New walks are but an adventure in sniffing & wetting to Shaq, the white-haired dog. His mere 22 pounds nearly but pulls my shoulder from its socket when he decides to do the death stop, detecting a new spot unsniffed or unmarked for his kingdom.
I was not only a little frustrated with Shaq's antics but also becoming annoyed with the morning traffic & shear noise disrupting my exercise. I was slowly but certainly spiralling downward, in my mind, as unpleasant memories & thoughts made their way in. And suddenly, if not almost audibly, my soul cried out, "Reg, you ungrateful woman…!"
In that moment, those negative vibes were erased & replaced with other images & thoughts. I cannot, however, say that the negative was replaced with positive. That is not exactly how it came to me…
The first was the image of the the small child lifeless on the beach in contrast to the beautiful vistas, that I was looking over, of clear, safe waters. Next came the thought that I should dare complain of the noise from a productive society. I walk amongst people going off to work, making honest livings in safe & successful business environments when hundreds of people in Calgary are out of jobs, livelihoods have been lost to fires, this summer, all over Canada & the US - & worldwide, my mind can't imagine it… Then to how I was outside, in fresh air & walking of my own accord. This very day, even that, to several people that I know & love, is a pipe dream. Some are fighting disease, others shut in by the loneliness of aging, & yet others lack the energy to get outside, after the hard day's work required of them. And my legs still carry me although my knees are not the lovely, knobby structures they once were. Now, always a little inflamed & puffy, they still get me about to adventures yet unseen. Others have joints that have already failed them & keep them from walking, climbing & seeing nature up close. And finally…I walk in safety. I walk alone. I walk on streets that are not corrupt or filled with gun fire, I walk & do not run or flee dangerously from an environment so unsafe & hopeless that I would risk life itself to leave. And as I walk, I breath in clean air & feast my eyes on a land so beautiful, it overwhelms my senses.
And so, once convicted by my own heart, I sang out this Psalm, in my soul, as I carried on. I began to pray instead of greedily feasting on all the selfish thoughts I had begun with. I'm so thankful for a God that gently teaches me, time & time again, instead of spanking me with the consequences that I so deserve for my thanklessness & insensitivity.
Though I don't know what to do with it, I pray to never become desensitized to ALL that goes on in this crazy, mixed-up, wonderful, hope-filled world.
